Have you ever felt like things are going too good?? Next thing you know, something bad is happening — you’re getting sick, have an accident, starting arguments or just otherwise getting completely derailed??
Apparently that’s a thing. It’s not just you. I felt it too until I read this book, “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks. He covers something he calls “the Upper Limit Problem” or “ULP.”
Honestly I bought this book maybe a year or so ago and just didn’t feel compelled to read it until the New Year hit. Now that I have — I highly recommend for anyone who struggles with success. I didn’t realize how much this concept was overrunning my life, in almost every aspect.
The Upper Limit Problem
Basically, the Upper Limit Problem is described as a personal barrier developed through life experiences that leads you to believe you can only tolerate a certain amount of joy, love, success, abundance, etc.
The upper limit problem is when we subconsciously sabotage our success or happiness because we don’t believe we deserve it or we’re afraid of what might happen if we keep growing.
This shows up in so many ways — procrastination, self doubt, catasrophizing, picking fights or creating unnecessary stress. Once it was all laid out in front of me in writing, I realized I am doing this constantly.
When things start going well, I find myself doing little things to bring me back “down.” I’ll overspend, start an argument that I don’t want to be a part of, I’ll withdraw, I’ll get sick or my fibro will flare up — something has to go wrong. Of course it’s not always in my control, but there are so many things that are.
Key Lessons I Learned from The Big Leap
For such a small book, there was a LOT to take away from it. Right from the beginning there was like of “oooooooooh…. shit” moments. These are the biggest things that stood out to me.
- We All Have a “Happiness Thermostat”: According to Hendricks, your “happiness thermostat” is a set of internal beliefs about what you deserve and set limits for you success and joy based on those beliefs.
- The Different “Zones” We Live In: The book talks about these different “zones” we live in, like our zone of competence and zone of excellence — the main goal is to reach our “Zone of Genius.” This is the zone in which we are identifying and fully stepping into your unique strengths and passions.
- Fear vs. Expansion: Fear is often a sign that you’re growing and how to lean into it instead of running away. I don’t know about you, but I can always feel when I’m being pushed outside my comfort zone. This is a good thing, even though it feels fucking terrifying.
- Breaking Free from False Beliefs: The idea that we’re conditioned to believe we’re not enough—or that success and happiness come with guilt. These bullshit lies we tell ourselves that come from all different aspects of life. Whether learned as a child or an adult, we have to learn to catch them and rewrite that narrative as they come up, every time.
How I’m Going to be Implementing These Lessons in My Life
The biggest thing for me is going to be in catching those moments of dampening my experience of joy or success in any given moment. If I’m winning, I want to feel the win. It no longer serves me to hold my own excitement back because of a bunch of false beliefs.
In order to really tackle this thing, I’m going to focus on these four things:
- Identifying When I’m Sabotaging Myself: Noticing triggers like overthinking or procrastination and consciously redirecting my actions.
- Creating Space for My Zone of Genius: It still feels a little “woo woo,” but this one is hugely important — Prioritizing time for activities that align with my strengths and passions, and allowing myself to take part in those activities without guilt.
- Affirming My Worthiness: Using mantras or affirmations like, “I deserve this success, and there’s more where it came from.” Again, it feels a little “woo woo” but I know this works. Might as well at least try.
- Embracing Growth Discomfort: THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. This will be the hardest for me, I think. This focuses on reframing fear or self-doubt as signs that I’m pushing past my limits, and not running from it. I need to get uncomfortable.
Tips for Breaking Through Your Upper Limits
These are the things that will help you break through this barrier and continue growing in the direction you actually want to grow. Much like I’m doing, these steps are my suggestions to start taking this kind of action in your own life.
- Pay Attention to Patterns: Notice when you’re self-sabotaging, whether it’s procrastinating, picking fights, or avoiding opportunities.
- Identify Your Zone of Genius: Reflect on what you’re naturally good at and what brings you joy—this is where you should focus your energy.
- Challenge Your Beliefs: Write down any negative thoughts about success or happiness and actively reframe them.
- Practice Daily Gratitude: Focus on the abundance in your life, and remind yourself that you deserve good things.
- Lean Into Discomfort: View fear and uncertainty as signs you’re growing, not reasons to stop.
Where We Are Now
I literally just finished this book, so we’re just getting started. I’m still working on recognizing and pushing past my upper limits, and will be for a while, but reading The Big Leap has been a game-changer. It’s made me realize how much more is possible if I stop standing in my own way.
And I’m always in my own way.
Breaking through your upper limits isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely going to be worth it. Imagine what life could look like if we gave ourselves permission to fully step into your greatness—and then took that first step.
I truly believe once WE get out of our own way, nothing else can stop us. With a little determination and a fuck load of consistency, we can make magic happen. We could damn near do it overnight if we really set our minds to it — so why don’t we?
Last Thoughts
Take action. Start with at least one of these things to get out of your own way and start living the life you’ve always dreamed of. It’s entirely up to you to make it happen.
Have you ever caught yourself sabotaging your success or happiness? I’d love to hear your stories—drop a comment or message me!
Let’s break these cycles together.