Keeping Promises and Building Trust with Yourself
Discipline is one of those things that some people just seem to have naturally, while the rest of us can’t grasp it.
The thing about it is, even for the people who tend to lean more towards a disciplined nature, it’s a learned skill and behavior. We are not born disciplined. In fact, our impulse control as children is practically non-existent — we have to be taught how to control those urges.
Have you ever seen those studies where they offer the children a choice: they give them a treat, and let them know if they wait to eat it they can have two. If they don’t wait, they just get the one.
Most children can’t wait.
You put a piece of candy in front of a child, they’re very likely going to scarf it down within seconds.
As adults, it’s expected that we have better impulse control. That we could hold out for the second treat. But were we ever really taught how??
For so many of us, especially those of us who have experienced any kind of trauma, substance abuse, or are neurodivergent, that part of our brain has been stunted or is under developed.
We have to really work at controlling our impulses.
All of this to say, if you’re not the person who gets up at 5am for a run, or refrain from having that second piece of cake, give yourself a little grace. Just like most things in life, it’s a skill that requires development and training.
We start that today.
Discipline is like a muscle. The more you work it, the better shape it’s going to be in. But just like with exercise, you can’t dive in to lifting as heavy as possible right out the gate, and you can’t expect to go to the gym one time and see results. It takes time, effort, and most importantly, consistency.
Before we get started, keep these things in mind to help you be successful:
- Start Small: Focus on just one or two habits at a time to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
- Be Patient: This isn’t going to happen overnight. Remember, time, effort, and consistency.
- Forgive Yourself: If you slip, don’t get stuck on “failure.” Refocus your goals and keep going.
- Reward Your Progress: Celebrate small wins and reward yourself to stay motivated. (Just be mindful of what kind of things you’re using as rewards, you don’t want to inadvertently reinforce the habits you’re trying to break.)
Ok, we got that?? Seriously, these steps are going to be really fucking important for maintaining your progress.
Now we get into the actual work.
There are about a million different ways you can practice developing better discipline; some of them may work for you, some won’t. You have to find the things that resonate and that you will actually fucking do. (What’s the point if you aren’t following through?)
We’re going to start with some basics. I don’t think it’s helpful to just throw out a huge list of tasks to try when we could be really intentional about it instead. Sound good? Let’s go.
- First, set the tone. Do this with a small part of your day, ideally your morning routine. Create a morning routine you can stick to, and do it every fucking day.
For example, maybe you decide you want to wake up a little earlier, plan out your day over a cup of coffee, do a short workout, and get ready without having to rush. If you’re not doing any of this, that’s going to be a lot to try implementing all at once. So your focus is simply : wake up earlier. Be specific in what time, and DO NOT HIT SNOOZE.
Keep that promise to yourself.
Find other little things in your life that you can practice keeping that promise.
If you decide to do 10 minutes of exercise a day, or meditate, journal, etc., DO IT.
- Next up, prioritize. What’s most important? What NEEDS to be done today and what can be put off til later?? Keep yourself organized and focus on the things that absolutely cannot wait. Don’t let yourself get distracted by all the little things that pop up during the day.
Some ways to stay focused, block out your time. Set a physical timer and do NOTHING else but that designated task during that time. Create a distraction free zone where you can do your work. Use the Pomodoro method for your work hours (you set a timer for 25 min of focused work, take a 5 minute break, then repeat as long as you need.)
- Last, but not least, set micro goals and track your progress!! Break each goal you have into small, actionable steps and keep a tracker to mark off when you do them. It is SUPER rewarding to check that little box every day. Even if you miss a day, you can look back on that tracker at the end of a week or month and see just how committed you stayed to your goals!
Like I said before, there are about a million other ways to practice discipline. These 3 concepts however, seem to me the most all encompassing.
Specifically setting micro goals and prioritizing. Once you have your prioritized list of tasks, and have broken it down into smaller actions, you can absolutely get rolling!! Keep it simple enough that you’ll follow through, but impactful enough to see results from.
The idea is to create a sort of domino effect; once you master the small things you can keep adding bigger and bigger tasks that you’ll have the discipline to show up for. Again, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Learning to be disciplined isn’t going to just “happen.” Building trust with yourself isn’t going to just “happen.”
But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. We just have to practice.
If you need more guidance in this area, let’s chat!! We can work through your primary struggles together and come up with a plan that works for you!!