The Hardest Lessons We Learn
What if I told you that your biggest disappointments could be your greatest teachers? We all face moments where life doesn’t go as planned. The question is: what do you do next?
My Experience With Disappointment
I’ve had a LOT of disappointment in life. Even so far this year, I’ve had a number of things “go wrong.” Like….A LOT of things go wrong. But, I’m learning how to take it in stride and not let setbacks entirely derail me.
One of the biggest disappointments of my life was when I had a relapse. It was extremely brief, but it rocked me.
Here’s what happened:
I was at work, and the only one on staff at the time. At least the only one up front and customer facing.
This older couple came in fully in a panic, right up to the counter. The husband immediately launched into a frantic demand of sorts…
“You have to come outside — there’s drugs! There’s drugs outside! It’s those drugs that are killing all the kids right now you have to dispose of them!!! You need gloves!!”
Of course I put on my concerned manager face and assured them I would take care of it.
I grabbed some gloves (for their benefit — this bullshit about touching these things with your bare hands causing overdoses is just that…bullshit) and went outside. Sitting right outside the front door of my work was a bag FULL of little blue pills. Not a small bag either — probably a good $600 worth of these pills. For those that don’t know — these are 30mg oxy’s, frequently known to be fake and actually pressed with fentanyl.
So… right up my alley.
At the time, I was just a couple months after my One Year Cleanniversary. Still very fresh.
So I grabbed the bag, folded it into the gloves and put them in my bag. I went back and forth about what the fuck to do…. on one hand, just a year earlier this would’ve been my lucky fucking day. On the other, this was the worst thing that could’ve happened. I tried to push it off and get myself to flush them, but at first opportunity, I found myself crushing one up and doing lines.
I kept them for a whole two days. Doing lines here or there, really wanting to rig up for my preferred method of intake but not wanting to risk it.
Eventually, I messaged a friend for help selling them. If I wasn’t going to do them I could at least make some money.
He video called me IMMEDIATELY. He told me to grab them and flush them on camera. I tried to argue, because the money, right? But he saw right through it and said he wouldn’t help me move them and to flush them right then and there.
I did as he said. And then I broke down crying.
The IMMENSE shame and disappointment I felt in myself was overwhelming. How could I be so weak? How could I throw a year of sobriety down the drain like that? It fucking wrecked me.
And I knew I had to come clean about it.
So much of my addiction was spent lying, the one thing I committed to myself in recovery was to be someone with honesty, integrity and trust. I couldn’t keep my slip up to myself if I wanted to move forward in that way. Not to mention, I had been so public about my recovery, I couldn’t go on like nothing happened.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I told everyone. My partner first, my peer coach second, and then I announced it publicly on my social media. It fucking sucked. I felt like I had let everyone down, let myself down, and was nothing but a massive failure.
The Truth About Disappointment
Disappointment has a way of punching you in the gut, doesn’t it? I questioned if I was even worthy of the life I wanted. I was low, in the worst headspace I had been in since withdrawals, just completely lost. Until I realized: I could let this moment define me, or I could choose to see it as a lesson. That choice changed everything.
Fortunately, my decision to share my mistake with everyone was met with nothing but love and support and the reminder that it didn’t negate all the time I did have clean or the strength it took to actually flush $600 worth of drugs instead of keep them.
Even if it hadn’t been, this moment was a HUGE learning opportunity.
The shame and disappointment I felt actually taught me something. It showed me how important staying clean really was to me. How important living a life of integrity was to me. The things that disappoint you most often reveal your deepest desires. That’s not something to run from—it’s something to lean into. It’s an opportunity to become stronger and more resilient.
While this disappointment was self-inflicted, it still impacted me the way any disappointment might. How the hell was I supposed to move forward from this when I had just disappointed myself and everyone around me in the most major way??
How to Embrace Disappointment and Move Forward
Here’s how I deal with disappointments, regardless of what caused it.
Step 1: Sit With the Feelings (Not Forever, But For a Moment)
- Acknowledge your emotions without judgment.
- Write down how you feel in a journal or talk it out with someone you trust.
- Exercise: Write a letter to yourself about the disappointment. End it with words of encouragement or lessons learned.
Step 2: Reflect Without Blame
Ask yourself:
- What can I learn from this experience?
- What could I do differently next time?
- What strengths did I show, even in disappointment?
Step 3: Take Small Steps Forward
- Set one small, achievable goal that gets you back on track.
- When I faced disappointment in my life or business, I made a commitment to show up for just 10 minutes a day. Those small actions rebuilt my momentum.
Step 4: Use Gratitude to Shift Perspective
- Focus on what’s still going right.
- Exercise: Write down three things you’re grateful for, even if they’re small.
Step 5: Share Your Story
Vulnerability builds connection. Sharing your disappointment and how you’re overcoming it can inspire others.
Exercises to Process and Transform Disappointment
Exercise 1: The “What’s Next?” List
- Write down three things you can do now to create positive momentum, no matter how small.
Exercise 2: Visualize Your Comeback
- Close your eyes and imagine how you’ll feel when you’ve moved past this moment.
- What does success look like?
- How will you celebrate your growth?
Exercise 3: Create a “Lesson Log”
- Keep a running list of what each disappointment teaches you. Over time, you’ll see how these lessons have shaped your growth.
I know how bad disappointment can feel. Especially if there is some level of shame involved. But disappointment is a teacher, not a punishment. The lessons you take from these moments can help you rebuild stronger, wiser, and more aligned with your purpose.
Regardless of the disappointment you’re experiencing, take that next step to move forward. It doesn’t matter how small it is, just don’t stay in that negative space.
There is a way to turning all your disappointments into positive moments, it’s just going to take a little work.
What are some of your biggest disappointments and lessons you’ve learned from them?
Drop them in the comments — whatever you’re comfortable with! We can learn from each other.